you taught me how to smile

slowly the emotions reveal themselves. gut bursting laughter here, anger there. even the weepiness of a stinging tear drop. but i am confused by it all. i feel like i just woke up from 20 years of deep sleep. and i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing.

i'm following footsteps, and i don't know where they're going. sometimes the path seems so clear. other times, i feel like i'm walking in circles, or following the crowd. too afraid to forge my own path, i simply get in line.

sometimes lessons are best learned through the pit of our stomach. that empty aching feeling that has come to symbolize fear, anger, sadness, loneliness. or hunger. trying to find meaning in it all may just be a futile exercise.

sometimes i think we hold onto our sanity like a glass ball. guarding it carefully wherever we go. hoping it's not knocked out of our hand and tossed to the ground where it will shatter into a million pieces. then i think that by performing this kind of self-analysis, i'm either maintaining my sanity or taking further steps towards losing it all together.

why do we do things when we know they're not good for us, or for others around us? what motivates us in this way? why are the simplest words the hardest to say?

thank you