... for the first time...

do you remember what's it like to experience something for the first time? do you ever wish you could re-live those experiences again? like a favourite book that you didn't want to end. it'll never be the same again - you could read it again, but you won't get that 'first-time' feeling again. or a first-love.

in the movie 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind', they (SPOILER ALERT) erase someone's memory of someone else. it's a neat idea, but what if they used the same (fictonal) technology to erase all memory of a book, or a movie you love. that way you could enjoy it for the first time all over again.

some of my buds have been adding to a 'hate' list. i have a big list too, but i'm going to do something a little different.... it's called my 'love' list

- i love my family
- i love sunsets
- i love rainbows
- i love watching a child eat an ice cream cone
- i love riding my bike
- i love staring up at a clear night's sky
- i love listening to music on my ipod
- i love learning how to play piano
- i love skating
- i love reading
- i love writing, both in my real journal and my online one
- i love sleeping in
- i love waking up early
- i love taking photographs

this list may or may not continue....

sleep tight

summer time, and a new home

i am leaning towards moving to blogspot here, for good. i'm tired of diaryland, i need a change, and diaryland has proven too unreliable in the past.

if you're interested in reading my posts, click on the link over there, on the right - the diaryland link.

i hope to move over the posts to here eventually, when i'm not feeling as lazy as i do now.

... it must be the heat...

stay tuned.

a balancing act

i was in a mountain bike race this past weekend; a relay event where each team rides as many laps as possible in 24 hours (noon Sat to noon Sun). my team finished in 20-something'th place out of over 130 teams, so we were pretty happy about that.

but it got me to thinking about the nature of competition. i've been in these types of races before and i've finished lower, and i've finished in the top 3 (where i won a 'medal'!).

there's a satisfaction that comes with finishing in the top 3, winning a medal and getting called up onto the podium. but is it any less satisfying NOT winning a medal, and just knowing that i had fun and gave it a good effort, but finished in the middle of the pack? i guess my need for external validation has me wanting to finish in the top 3, for the brief, shallow recognition that comes with it. maybe i rationalize my middle-of-the-pack finishes by saying i'm not in it to win...

at some point though, the fun of biking starts to dissolve as the push for higher results increases. i never started biking to win races. when i start thinking too much about racing, i forget why i started riding in the first place.

however, there is a rush that comes with fighting for that bronze medal, or holding on to the silver in the last minutes of a race. even if the rush is short-lived, and forgotten the next day, it's a rush.

i guess it's all about balance...

mossy emotions

what is this feeling i have in my stomach?
what is this moist feeling i have in the corners of my eyes?
why am i weepy, yet smiling?

at what point do we start looking back more than we look forward?

my mind is drifting...

what is a memory?
is it an image in our mind?
is it a smell?
a sound?
it must be all of these things.

this week i had the strangest memory from the summer of 1983, when i was in timmins, working for the summer. i was a teenager, and this camp i was at, one day, our job was to go out and pick moss. so i have this vivid memory of grabbing handfuls of this moss, pulling out clumps of the stuff, filling a burlap bag and carrying the stuff to the truck.

oh and by the way, apparently moss is used to make fertilizers.

i was just wondering how old these mosses were, and whether or not we were destroying an environmentally sensitive area...

somewhere...

somewhere, someone is reading a book
somewhere, someone is cyring
somewhere, someone is trying to figure out what went wrong
somewhere, someone is lost
somewhere, someone is laughing
somewhere, someone is lighting a candle
somewhere, someone is driving too fast
somewhere, someone is drinking a glass of wine
somewhere, someone is thinking about the right thing to say
somewhere, someone is singing a song
somewhere, someone is watching tv
somewhere, someone is listening to music
somewhere, someone is writing a novel that will become a bestseller
somewhere, someone is lying on a beach
somewhere, someone is missing someone else
somewhere, someone is leaving
somewhere, someone is left behind
somewhere, someone is smiling
somewhere, someone is learning
somewhere, someone is playing guitar

and right here, right now
this someone is listing to radiohead, typing these words...