places i've visited

i once visited a lonely heart. she needed me and i needed her. our lonely hearts lit brightly for a very short period of time. refreshed, recharged, we moved on.

I once visited a sunset, who said to me, admire my beauty; i shall return tomorrow.

i once visited the home of a million bugs. they didn't appreciate me stomping all over their home.

i once visited a dream. i continue to make frequent visits to it - it overcomes me.

i once visited loneliness - it wasn't as bad a place as people have said, but i can never take anyone there with me.

i once visited wisdom. they told me i wasn't ready, and to come back later.

i once visited confidence. it was such a strange, unfamiliar place, but i keep trying to get back there so i can get used to it.

i once visited success and realized it's not such a big deal.

i once visitied infatuation and it made me feel like i was in public school all over again.

i once visited ecstasy and concluded that i'll never need to take drugs.

i once visited kindness and saw people there i didn't know - they were happy to see me.

i once visited habit. it was discomforting, yet painfully familiar.

i once visited fear. again, it was familiar, but i was able to smile in its face.

i once visited myself - a distant version of myself - in another time, another place. and i almost cried just thinking about it.

you taught me how to smile

slowly the emotions reveal themselves. gut bursting laughter here, anger there. even the weepiness of a stinging tear drop. but i am confused by it all. i feel like i just woke up from 20 years of deep sleep. and i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing.

i'm following footsteps, and i don't know where they're going. sometimes the path seems so clear. other times, i feel like i'm walking in circles, or following the crowd. too afraid to forge my own path, i simply get in line.

sometimes lessons are best learned through the pit of our stomach. that empty aching feeling that has come to symbolize fear, anger, sadness, loneliness. or hunger. trying to find meaning in it all may just be a futile exercise.

sometimes i think we hold onto our sanity like a glass ball. guarding it carefully wherever we go. hoping it's not knocked out of our hand and tossed to the ground where it will shatter into a million pieces. then i think that by performing this kind of self-analysis, i'm either maintaining my sanity or taking further steps towards losing it all together.

why do we do things when we know they're not good for us, or for others around us? what motivates us in this way? why are the simplest words the hardest to say?

thank you

:)

i keep having this dream that my sister is going to have a baby. i don't know what it means, but she's made it quite clear that she doesn't want kids. and she's pretty much past the safe age to bear children. maybe she'll adopt. i haven't talked with her in a couple of months.

i have my headphones on right now, listening to a song about headlights racing towards the corner of the dining room, half illuminating a face before they disappear.

hey, it's a sunny day in april, so i'm going to get out on my bike today - my new used road bike. i have a race coming up on sunday, and i'm not going to win, but i should be able to finish.

i haven't written much lately. maybe i've run out of things to say. or maybe the weather outside has distracted me. oh wait, i remember, i was terribly busy at work for months. things have slowed down just a tad.

make me smile; make me laugh

people crave new love

i've been reading about the universe, and the size of it. it kinda makes me feel insignificant.

but i must continue on my quest, my journey. every day brings new clues, new mentors. sometimes, all i need to do is laugh. laughing is becoming easier, but crying remains elusive. it'll happen, as i am sensing cracks in the armour. or the ice is melting. or the wall is coming down. choose your metaphor.

i'm going to keep this short. i have to find a song from the junos. i heard a rumour that the hip covered the weakerthans.