dare to be bold

i've been thinking about the creative spirit, but perhaps even beyond that, i'm thinking about passion. people who have passion for an endeavour, whether it's their job, or something creative - like music or art or writing. or a hobby or sport. i know a lot of people who seem to have such passion for what they do. and i think it shows in the result. i know people who are passionate about their career, and they're successful. i know people who are passionate about a sport, and they're successful. i know people who are passionate about pottery, or writing. and they're successful. and you don't need to look very hard to find musicians who are passionate about their music.

they're not afraid to fail. they're not afraid to make mistakes. and they don't care what people think, because it's their passion, and they love doing it. they take chances, they put themselves out there. and i admire this.

personally, i'm afraid to take chances. i'm afraid to fail.

so maybe it's a personality thing. i wonder if i am capable of this kind of passion. i wonder if i just haven't found something to be passionate about yet... or maybe i am passionate about things, i just don't recognize it.

it seems like i'm just too concerned with what other people will think, and i'm too afraid of upsetting anyone. one of my biggest fears is that people won't like me. people with passion, they just don't seem to care...

it's time to take chances, it's time to be bold...

a day of rain

we spend our lives trying to establish some kind of stability, or routine. once we have that established, we have our nice, tidy little box, or zone of comfort. and life goes on this way, contently. but once in a while, i want to take a little peak out of this box, and see what else is out there. i am a very predicatable person, always doing what is expected - no surprises. and there's a reason i'm like this. but that doesn't mean i can't expand my box, even just a little bit.

when life becomes routine, predictable, don't we start to die, just a little bit?

and these new things... they can be as simple as reading a new book, or meeting a new person. it doesn't mean i have to start skydiving, or mountain climbing.

it just means getting out of the box every once in a while - taking chances, overcoming fears, and being a little unpredictable. and i need to lose that fear of making mistakes... it's choking me...

reacquainting

i don't post in here as much as i used to, or as much as i'd like. i guess my blogging time has been occupied with other endeavours. priorities change all the time...

but i was reminded yesterday that i haven't blogged in a while. and i enjoy it, so i'll try to be here a bit more... be patient while i reacquaint myself with the blog...

i've been thinking about my uncle, who died a few weeks ago now. the funeral was nice. very emotional for me, and i'm actually quite proud of this. for the longest time, i've thought i was incapable of such emotion. i'm rediscovering this part of myself...

at the funeral, i wore an old suit i bought way back when i convocated from my master's degree, in 1993. i don't wear a suit very often, thankfully. in fact, i've only ever owned two suits....

summer's in full gear. we had a camping trip over the long weekend. it's so refreshing to live outdoors for even just a few days. my body seems to need this. i swam in a Great Lake and was reminded of how invigorating water can feel. the beach was sandy, and the water was so shallow, we could walk offshore hundreds of feet before we even hit waist-deep water. at night, away from the city, the stars appeared one by one, and the half-moon smiled at me. i took a couple of night walks alone, just short walks along darkened paths, with only the light of the moon to guide me. then at one point, i was guided by the light of a firefly. i stopped and watched it flicker in the night, and i talked to it. i asked where it was going to lead me and it headed off along the path in the direction i was going. the night is full of fey friends...

i also went for a little bike ride by myself one morning. as a parent, i have learned to appreciate these moments when i can get time to myself. i was riding through the woods on a path. and i saw a deer, not 5 feet from the path! i stopped maybe 10 feet away, and looked at it. it looked at me, unfazed, and went about it's merry way, munching on leaves. i kinda felt like it was there just for me, waiting for me. when i finally showed up, it greeted me with a nod of its head, and moved on. the forest is full of friends...

i'm using the ellipsis a lot today... it means... stay tuned... there's more to come...