i thought i'd forgotten how to cry.

i've recently noted in my mind that i haven't been able to cry since i was a very young kid. in part, it's due to our society, where crying by males is thought to be a weakness. so my inability to shed a tear is a common affliction among men. however, i imagine that most males don't see their inability to cry as a weakness. with me, i see it as an inability to have feelings and emotions. so i've looked up on this inability to cry as a symbol of my inability to have real emotions. and as part of my life journey i've tried to regain the ability to cry. a good friend of mine noted that tears are the antifreeze of the soul.

well i shed more than a single tear on the weekend. it hit me by surprise. i was in a bike relay race on the off-road trails. i went down a hill and saw paramedics attending to a young girl who was lying in an awkward position. she was off the trail, and i kept going, for there was nothing i could do. as i continued on my lap, i thought about the kid, and hoped that she would be ok. then i started to think about this kind of tragedy and how it's supposed to be such a fun event, and how it's great to see kids involved. then i see this. and the next thing i knew, i was wiping tears from my eyes. i didn't stop, i kept riding. my team was there for fun, but we found ourselves near the top of our category. i found the strength to finish my lap. i later found out that the girl wasn't as seriously hurt as they thought. she has bruises, and was taken to hospital.

funny how it creeps up on you, this whole crying thing. it had been so long, i forgot what it was like...